I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
