Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You were trust falling into bushes
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
