I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
