The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
