Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Bring me that man meat
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
