just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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