I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
