On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
