She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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