Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We had to coat check the pizza.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
