My friends, they love my intelligence
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need to calm my uterus...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
