but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
