dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
