i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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