textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I am naked and annoyed.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
