Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
