"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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