so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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