Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
