im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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