i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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