My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
