I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
