32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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