when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
