We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
