so that wasnt chicken after all
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
