Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
