apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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