these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
