dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
