I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
