I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
