The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
