You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
