My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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