Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
