I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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