I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My cat gives me a boner
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
