Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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