Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
