Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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