i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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