How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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