chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
there was a trapeze. enough said
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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