Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
