Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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