My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
