know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
