He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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