And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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