I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
