if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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