You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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