I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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