It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
