highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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