Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
