I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
