how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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