oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
