the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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