a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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