I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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