I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
