Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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