i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
