it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
