think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
