next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
