So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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