Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
