so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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