well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
