so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
