There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
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I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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