so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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