Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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