I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
